Elaine Evnen
relished life no matter what challenges faced her. Even as she lay on her bed
during her final hours of life, while she was “thinking about fading,” she was
able to state that everything she had ever hoped for had come to fruition! Her hopes were not related to wealth and
status. Her hopes were related to
creating a loving family whose members felt connected to one another. She was happiest when she had all of her
“chicks around her.” Her happiness was
palpable, it resonated in her voice when she spoke about her kids and grandkids
while heaping accolades on them and it showed on her face even when she cried
out of happiness just watching the large family gatherings that punctuated life
for the Evnens.
She taught
us so many fine lessons during her lifetime. Perhaps her greatest lesson was
how to be grateful. Elaine recognized
that if you had good fortune in your life you should share it with others. She
did that by opening her home to family, friends, and strangers. She was always welcoming people into her life
in a non-judgmental way. She embraced
everyone for who they were. Everyone
knew without a doubt that they were very special to her even if their life
choices were not exactly like hers. In
Elaine’s world view, if you were happy with your decisions, then that was great
and she was happy for you.
Just last
week, while she was sitting in her recliner in her living room, after having
stopped her dialysis, she was in reality
giving her family a lesson in not only how to die but how to live. Elaine was attentive to every visitor,
engaged in conversations that showed she cared about them, asked questions
about what was going on in the community, and expressed her gratitude for
having lived such a full and rewarding life.
She did not express fear of the unknown ahead of her, was not
self-absorbed, and truly demonstrated that one’s entire life could be enriched
by caring about others. Some might have looked at Elaine after being off
dialysis for two weeks as a fighter. She
wasn’t a fighter, she merely relished life, and in some ways did not want to
leave the party!
Being Jewish
was very important to Elaine. It was like her skin, it was part of her. She shared that love of Judaism by having
large family gatherings for weekly Shabbat dinners that took her days to
prepare. She also expressed her love for
Judaism by supporting the Jewish community.
When there was a death in the congregation, she was the individual who
quietly went about the job of finding sitters (shomrim) to stay with the
deceased’s body until burial. When the
synagogue needed leadership, she stepped forward and served as our president;
and when the Federation needed leadership she served as its treasurer. Wherever she saw a need, she was ready to
give, and ready to assume responsibility.
She understood the phrase, “kol Yisrael arevim zeh bah zeh” all of Israel is responsible for one another.
As we pay
tribute to Elaine this morning, in this lovely sanctuary, I am reminded that
several years ago, when Elaine came up the stairs of this bimah to take an
Aliyah, an honor, at the Torah, she struggled.
She turned to me and said, “this is the last time I will be taking an
Aliyah. I can’t do these steps
anymore.” Little did she know that her
statement would become the impetus for redesigning our sanctuary to be
accessible to all. The thought of not
having Elaine being able to participate in a way that was meaningful to her and
us was unbearable. We even designed the
Torah reading stand, the amud, so it could be lowered in order to accommodate
her sitting in a wheelchair. Often individuals
who become less mobile in their older years feel as if they can no longer be
involved in the activities that they love.
I know that being at synagogue services was definitely an activity that
Elaine enjoyed and I am delighted that she was able to do so for many years
past her original statement to me.
There is a
picture of Elaine circulating on Facebook this week. It shows her working a crossword puzzle,
something she did every day faithfully. That
mental exercise activity kept her mind so sharp! Her mental acuity was also seen when she
decided to chant her first haftorah, a passage from the book of Prophets, for
her 80th birthday. She spent
months learning the melodies, perfecting the pronunciation of difficult Hebrew
words, and practicing. As it turned out,
she decided to share the chanting of the passage with her brother, Jim. Last week she spoke about how meaningful that
accomplishment was to her and how pleased she was that she was able to share it
with you, Jim, and of course Esti, about how she loved the two of you so much.
Bob,
Richard, Jaine, and Judith, your mother did tell you not to grieve for her but
she did give you permission to miss her.
I have no doubt that you’re feeling a gaping hole in your hearts right
now. Your mother was always a behind the
scenes cheerleader for each of you. Her love and support helped make you the
fine individuals that you are. Her
legacy will certainly live on as you now become the “elders” in your families.
Debra, Kim,
and Andy, Elaine embraced you with the same love she embraced her
children. She felt supported by you and
cherished by you. I know you felt very
special in her presence.
Tom,
Brittany, Michael, Julie, Genevieve, Ev, Eli, Sadye, Sim, Adam,Katie, Mitchell,
Adrienne, Chad, Ben, Rachelle, Mimi, Sam, and Emma, when you many of you shared
stories about the special nature of your
grandmother, I began to think that every grandmother should be so blessed to
have the love and admiration of 19
grandchildren. I can feel the bond that will always be between you even in the
absence of her physical self.
Elaine, we
are indeed going to miss you. We are
grateful for the time we had with you.
You taught us what it means to open one’s heart and one’s hand. You taught us how to be positive about life
even when faced with physical challenges.
And most of all you taught us that every day is a blessing. Thank you for teaching us these important
lessons. Thank you for your love and
friendship. May your soul be bound up in
the bond of life and may your memory forever be a blessing to us.
Amen.
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