Recognize Your Self-Worth

You shall love your fellow human being as you love yourself.
V’ahavtah l’rayacha kahmocha…
When you read this statement in the past, did you ever ask yourself, “Where should my focus begin, with my neighbor or myself?” Personally, I always assumed that one’s focus first had to be on loving one’s neighbor. It never occurred to me that in order for this statement to be fulfilled, you must first love yourself.

There are many of us who have believed that we must focus our attention only on our neighbor, because to do otherwise is selfish. We spend so much time taking care of others, that we often neglect our own well-being.

Judaism doesn’t advocate selfishness, but it definitely believes in self-worth. A core value is that each of us was created in G-d’s image and that as human beings it is our birthright to respect ourselves. We are encouraged to realize that our self worth does not come from our accomplishments. It comes from recognizing the godliness within ourselves and struggling to put forth the best effort to treat others with the same respect that we know we too deserve. Acknowledging our own self-worth does not negate the worth of others. On the contrary, it makes it possible for us to look out after others by recognizing their inherent right to be respected as well.

Sometimes I am amazed when I work with young children and hear them talk about themselves in relationship to other children. “I’m not smart, I’m stupid….” They’ve been taught to measure themselves against the accomplishments of their peers. They have not learned that the true measure of their life will be judged by their struggle to exert the effort to do their best, not by their external accomplishments. They don’t realize that they do not have to try to be someone other than who they are in order to have worth as an individual.

A story is told of a stonecutter who earned his livelihood by cutting rocks from a mountain. He felt badly that he worked so hard to earn a living. He envied the wealthy people who did not have to do back breaking labor.

One day he wished that he could be a king. And poof…he turned into a king. He was no longer a stonecutter. He was dressed in his kingly garb and riding in the royal coach when suddenly the sun came out and he became overheated. Realizing that even the king could be overpowered by the sun, he wished to become the sun. And poof…he turned into the sun. He knew for sure that his power was unrivalled when lo and behold, along came a cloud that hindered his rays. So he decided that instead of being the sun, he wished to be a cloud, for after all, a cloud could block his rays. But when he became a cloud, his joy was short lived. He was swooped away by a gust of wind and felt helpless. So of course, he wished to become the wind. When he was transformed into the wind, he suddenly came up against a mountain that blocked his path. As hard as he tried to blow, he could not get past the mountain. So once again, he wished to become something mightier, and he was transformed into a majestic mountain. Now he knew that he was indeed the mightiest of all. None could compare to him. He felt so wonderful…until he felt a sharp pain. What was it? It was a stonecutter with a pick axe. The mountain asked, “How can this be. If a stonecutter can tear pieces out of me, he must be mightier than I am.” With that realization, he wished to become that man and the mountain was rapidly transformed into the mightiest of all, a stonecutter.

So what does that story have to do with loving your neighbor as yourself? In order to help our neighbors we must first realize that we too have self-worth. We need to be able to look at ourselves as we are and recognize that we have the ability to transform life, make it holy, by first treating ourselves with respect. We should not fall into the delusion that we are worthless and that others are more worthy than we are. It is only when we have a positive self-concept and stop feeling as if we need to belittle ourselves, that we can experience others, recognize their worth and treat them with the same respect with which we should treat ourselves.