Have you
ever worked on a puzzle, knowing what the end result was to look like? But as you got close to finishing the
process, you realized that one piece was missing! To your chagrin, the puzzle was ruined. The picture was incomplete just because one piece
was not present.
The image of
a puzzle with a piece missing reminds me about what I see happening in the
Jewish world today. We talk about Jewish
unity as if it were a given, but when we sit down with other Jews who think or
practice differently than we do, we somehow feel they can’t possibly contribute
to our vison of a united Jewish world.
The idea of unity is not about sameness. When we use the words AM ECHAD (one people)….it
means we are capable of having a similar vision of the world but various means
for getting there! AM ECHAD means we
respect diversity within our ranks and can accept arguments and disagreements
with one another as long as they do not use language that is nasty and
ugly. We can learn to love one another with
our similarities and with our differences.
We do not have to try to remake one another in our own image.
Why is this
such a pressing topic that it should be the topic of a High Holiday speech? It
is because I see fractures in our own Jewish community as well as in the world
Jewish community. Let me start with our own community. When Jews of varying levels of religious
observance get together, it should not be seen as a put down to those who
choose not to observe kashrut or Shabbat when others choose to do so. Determining one’s own level of religious
observance of the mitzvot should not be seen as someone making a statement
about what is wrong with another person who is not making the same
choices. It is ONLY making a statement
about how one chooses to live one’s own life.
It is not about trying to be “holier than thou.”
When we have
Jewish organizations that encompass Jews of varying levels of observance and
two congregations with varying practices, it makes sense that we do whatever it
takes to be inclusive rather than exclusive when figuring out times to gather,
meals to eat, etc. so that no one is intentionally left out of participating in
our group activities. This should be part of our mode of thinking even if it is
not in the by-laws of an organization! I once stated that you go with the
highest common denominator when trying to figure such things out and got highly
chastised for my language. Personally I
was not using the phrase in a judgmental way, rather as part of my own
understanding that we are all on a ladder of observance and place ourselves on
different rungs at different times in our lives. On a national level,
organizations like Hadassah and B’nai Brith have figured out how to make such adjustments
work in an attempt to be inclusive.
Inclusion in
the Jewish community goes beyond respecting various levels of observance,
however. Inclusion must also take into
account the categories of age, ability, gender, and race. If an individual comes through our doors, their
age shouldn’t matter. We should make all ages feel welcomed here by making sure
our physical facility and programming is conducive to access by all. We should not make anyone feel that they are
too old or too young to be part of our group. If an older adult speaks loudly
in the back of the room or a child is restless in his/her seat it should not be
a problem for us. This needs to be a
place where each one of us feels happy to be seen. If individuals have varying abilities,
whether it is the ability to hear or the ability to be mobile, we need to make
sure that they feel comfortable in our synagogue family. As a congregation we still need to work on
our sound system in our sanctuaries and meeting spaces to ensure the best auditory
reception for those in attendance. We
have already worked on accessibility for those in wheelchairs and using walkers
in a way that I believe speaks volumes about our sense of caring. As for gender inclusion, I hope that it is
felt that our synagogue is a safe space for individuals of all gender
identities. We do not expressly say this on a website or on social media, but I
believe we try to be sensitive to the preferred names and pronouns that
individuals wish us to use when honoring them with an Aliyah or when engaging
in conversations. Those are actions that
we can take as a congregation, but the true act of being welcoming is in the
hands of each of us as individuals as we greet each individual entering our
building. Finally, our synagogue needs
to be a place where racially and ethnically diverse Jews can feel
comfortable. The Jewish tent is large
and needs to recognize and value all of its members, making sure there is a
high level of comfort for all. It is more than likely that Jews of color feel isolated
in the outside world. It is important
that our synagogue home feels exactly the opposite to them. A synagogue should be a place where one’s
very essence feels protected. I heard it said that if a Torah is missing even
one letter, it is rendered pasul/ not kosher.
In the same way, the “kashrut” of a congregation depends on the presence
of each Jew being present, of each person being able to hear the “voice of G-d”
according to their own capacity. (Elliott Cosgrove)
If you’ve
been listening to the news coming from Israel in the past months, there has
been much in-fighting between groups wanting egalitarian spaces for prayer at
the kotel and those who oppose this idea.
When I think back to the pains our congregation went through to get to
the place where we are today, with women counting for a minyan, acting as a
shaliach tzibbur, and reading Torah, it is not at all surprising that the
concept of developing egalitarian spaces at the kotel in Jerusalem makes for
raw nerves. The important thing to
remember on all sides, is that Jewish practice is large enough to accommodate
the needs and desires of all. If the
Robinson’s Arch section of the Kotel is developed so that Conservative and
Reform Jews can pray in the manner in which they are most comfortable, while
not “forcing” those who want a mechitzah while praying to give up their
preferred style of prayer, then it would appear that there should be no
problems. What is happening however has
been taken to the level of outright hatred between groups. When Charedi Jews spit on other Jews, rip
pages of a siddur, or use foul language to express their sentiments towards one
another, not only is the scene ugly for those present, but it leaves a sense
that before we can hope for peace among all people we must first learn how to have
peace among ourselves. I hope that as the days unfold, the government of Israel
will fulfill its promise to develop the spaces for prayer at the wall for the
inclusion of egalitarian services.
So far, I’ve
only been talking about the sense of inclusion for Jews within the walls of
this synagogue and in the larger Jewish community. It is time to also speak about the sense of
inclusion for non-Jews who are intimately related to members of our congregation
who are partnering with spouses to help create Jewish families. Often I hear people say, that Tifereth Israel
is not welcoming to interfaith families.
Although I think that statement is erroneous, we must recognize that in
today’s demographics, interfaith families make a sizeable portion of any Jewish
community and our attitudes toward interfaith families need to be supportive as
they work very hard to maintain their Jewish homes. For the past 9 years, I have followed the
USCJ position that no Rabbi who is a member of the Rabbinical Assembly can
officiate at an interfaith wedding. Over
the years, however, I believe I have reached a new stage in my thinking and
beliefs, due to the reading I’ve done about keruv and the conversations I’ve
had with other conservative Rabbis. One such rabbi recently said to me,
“explain your growth, and go with it, Nancy.
You are not bound by the RA rules and you can do what I’d like to be
able to do.” I now believe that it feels
wrong to say to couples, “I cannot officiate at your wedding today, but please
know I look forward to welcoming you into our congregation tomorrow as you
attempt to establish yourselves as a Jewish family.” If a couple that is planning to live in
Lincoln, is willing to learn with me, pledges to raise a Jewish family, and
understands that the wedding ceremony will not include a traditional ketubah
(which is a legal document that can only exist between two Jews), then I have
decided that I will officiate at their wedding. I want my support to lead to a
richer Jewish life for the family and for a sense that this community supports
them in their endeavors of bringing Judaism to the next generation. Of course, with halacha being important, parts
of the ceremony will be tweaked to not include the legalisms that can only
occur between two Jews. To do otherwise,
I feel would be a mockery. If the woman
in the partnership is Jewish, there is no doubt that any children from this
union will also be Jewish upon birth. If
it is the male who is Jewish, there will need to be the understanding that the
birth of a child will require a formal conversion ceremony to Judaism. Of course, I will always continue to hope
that as we help families live Jewishly that non-Jewish spouses will come to the
decision on their own that they would like to formally choose Judaism one day
through a formal conversion process, but the learning sessions prior to
marriage will count towards that process. Over the years I have watched
non-Jewish friends involved in life at Tifereth Israel do exactly that, and it
has been a joy to see and to help facilitate their halachic change of status.
If we are to
pride ourselves on being an inclusive community that believes Jewish living is
to be cherished, then we need to make sure that we let others know this as
well. All it takes is a warm handshake,
kind words, and a smile, to convey that we are happy when others join us in our
endeavors. May G-d’s protecting shield
be spread over us and all who enter this congregational home as we enter this
new year with hopes for good health, happiness, and peace.
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