Bat Mitzvah Address to Nina Friedman

How many of you are familiar with the term gematria?  In case you are not familiar with that word, Gematria is a kabbalistic method of examining words by their numerical values.  Each Hebrew letter also has a numerical value.  For example, Aleph is 1, Bet is 2, and so on.

I decided rather than looking at a word and trying to understand its meaning via its numerical value, I would take a numerical value and try to see what words and concepts relate to it.

As you might have guessed, I looked at the number 13.  The kabbalists looked at 13 in varied ways.  The first way is in its relationship to the number 26.  Why 26?   13 X2 =26 which is the numerical value of the letters Yud/Hey/Vav/Hey (the letters that stand for G-d’s name). 

Two important words in Hebrew have the numerical value of 13.  Echad which means one has that value as does ahavah which means love.  When we recite the shema which is the watchword of Jewish faith, we refer to G-d as being one/echad and state that we are to love G-d, v’ahavtah et Adonai eloheicha. When we love G-d we become at one with G-d…meaning we have an attachment to G-d’s world and teachings.

Perhaps you’re familiar with the concept of the Jewish leap year which adds an extra month to keep the lunar and solar calendars aligned with one another.  It is the 13^th month which is added 7 times in a 19 year cycle that allows us to have our festivals in the correct seasons.

Maimonides wrote the 13 principles of Faith which is contained in our siddur in the form of the prayer Yigdal. Although Judaism is not a religion requires each and every person to theologically accept all 13 of these principles, it was an attempt by Maimonides to try to create a widely accepted list of Jewish beliefs.

At age 13, a boy becomes a bar mitzvah, an adult in the eyes of Judaism.  At this age of majority a young male is obligated to follow the mitzvot.  In liberal synagogues across this country, a young girl is called to the Torah at age 13 as a Bat Mitzvah, an individual who too is obligated to follow the mitzvot. Yet,  one does not have to be called to the Torah to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.  One needs only to cross the threshold of becoming 13 in order to be obligated.

And finally, one last thought about the significance of the number 13 written by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin about ways to pursue being a person of goodness.  He wrote:

1. Do good deeds often. We become good people not by thinking good thoughts but by doing good deeds again and again, until they become part of our nature. Maimonides teaches that it is better to give needy recipients one gold coin on a thousand different occasions than to give someone a thousand gold coins all at the same time, for "if he opens up his hand again and again one thousand times, the trait of giving becomes part of him" (commentary on The Ethics of the Fathers 3:19).

2. Cultivate the friendship of people who are both good and wise. In his "Laws of Character Development" (6:1), Maimonides says, "It is in the nature of human beings to be influenced in their opinions and actions by their friends and neighbors....Therefore, a person should strive to become friendly with righteous people, and to stay in the presence of those who are wise, so that one will learn from their actions." Experiencing friendships like these and spending time among kind people will inspire us to want to become better. If, for example, we spend time in a household where the family members speak to each other in a consistently loving manner, it is likely that we--at least while we are with these people--will also speak in a calmer, more loving way.

The same wisdom applies when we seek out a new home. Whereas most of us chose a home based on its beauty, from a Jewish perspective it is more important to ascertain the character of the people who live in the neighborhood--the environment in which we and our children will live and the people with whom we will associate. The better their characters, the more likely we and our children will grow in goodness.

3. Avoid people with bad character and unkind dispositions. The Book of Psalms [1:1] states: "Fortunate is the person who doesn't follow the advice of the wicked, who doesn't associate with sinful people, and who doesn't spend time among scoffers." People with bad characters can easily influence us to become like them.

The contagious quality of bad character helps explain the phenomenon of children from "good homes" who engage in self-destructive and/or criminal behavior. Frequently they have been swayed by bad companions who exert a stronger influence.

4. Live up to the reputation to which you aspire. Judaism places great value on maintaining a good name. Even at the time when men dominated the household, the rabbis ruled that if a man forbade his wife from helping her neighbors, she could have a court compel him to grant her a divorce. Otherwise the woman would acquire a bad name among her neighbors (Ketubot 72a).

5. See every act you do as one of great significance. Maimonides suggests that we regard ourselves as being equally balanced between good and evil, and the world itself as similarly balanced. Thus, a single good act will tip the balance toward good in our own life, and in the world. Conversely, one bad deed will tip the balance toward evil ("Laws of Repentance" 3:4).

Criminologists know that when broken windows in a neighborhood remain unrepaired, crime, including violent crime, in the area increases; the shattered glass becomes a signal to potential offenders that this is a neighborhood where disorder is accepted and crime tolerated. Fixing broken windows can thereby tip the balance of the neighborhood toward more civil behavior; and ignoring such a seemingly minor detail might pave a path toward moral deterioration.

6. If you offer personal prayers to God for your own well-being and success, pray for others before you pray for yourself. Offering such prayers helps us develop greater empathy for others. Often, when we hear of someone else's hardship, we feel a momentary sense of sympathy and concern, but soon forget about it. But if, each morning, we spend a few minutes praying for others, their hardships and needs will remain fresh in our consciousness. In so doing, we may help them--such as the case of a man who prayed daily for his unemployed friend and was thus prompted to make a considerable effort to help him find work, and eventually his efforts paid off.

7. Cultivate and develop your moral strengths. Commenting on the verse "Follow the path of your heart" (Ecclesiates 11:9), the nineteenth-century rabbinic scholar Naftali Tzvi Yehuda Berlin (the Netziv) taught that each of us must find our own way of serving God. One person may carry out his Divine service and fulfill his life's mission primarily through Torah study, another through prayer, and a third by means of charity and acts of loving-kindness. Clearly, these are not mutually exclusive, but represent a person's primary focus. It is incumbent on each of us to discover the path for which we have a natural affinity and cultivate it. If, for example, you have the ability to listen to people, console them, and help them make decisions, you might choose to perform this mitzvah for others. Conversely, if you have a nervous or morose disposition, it would be wise not to choose bikur cholim (visiting the sick) as your particular mitzvah. Ask yourself what you can do best in the service of others. If, for example, you enjoy cooking, contribute a home-cooked meal to a housebound person.

8. Keep a daily "character journal" focusing exclusively on the area in which you wish to improve yourself. If we are honest and comprehensive in what we record, we will soon note patterns in the events that can provide insights into our inappropriate behaviors. For example, if we are prone to lashon hara(gossiping), we might realize that we are most apt to pass on personal information during lunchtime at work or dinnertime at home. By acquiring such awareness in advance, we can take steps to avoid such behavior in the future (see point 9). Keeping a journal will help us to lead the kind of life we want, instead of allowing ourselves to be controlled by emotions and impulses.

9. When trying to correct a bad trait, temporarily embrace the opposite extreme. As a medieval commentator on Maimonides explains, "To strengthen a bent bamboo cane, we [must] bend it in the opposite direction, until it bounces back to the middle. If we bend it back only to the middle, it will remain permanently misshapen."

Although going to extremes is usually counterproductive, sometimes we need to do so for the short term to achieve balance. For example, if you have a tendency to gossip about other people's faults, for the next week do not allow yourself to say anything bad about anyone, even if it is well-intentioned. If you tend towards stinginess, over the next few months, donate one or two of your best garments to an organization that helps the poor.

10. Avoid even sins that seem minor because, as a rabbinic maxim teaches, "One sin will lead to another" (The Ethics of the Fathers 4:2). The Bible teaches that King Ahab violated the Tenth Commandment by coveting the vineyard of a man named Navot which adjoined his winter palace. He offered to buy the land, but Navot refused and Ahab returned home depressed. When his wife, Queen Jezebel, learned of his upset, she arranged for two witnesses to offer perjured testimony that Navot had cursed both God and king, a capital crime for which Navot was executed and his estate confiscated. Jezebel then rushed to her husband with the happy news: "Come take possession of the vineyard of Navot...for Navot is no longer alive; he is dead" (I Kings 21).

What began with Ahab's violation of the Tenth Commandment against coveting quickly led to violations of the Ninth Commandment (against bearing false witness), the Sixth Commandment (against murder), and the Eighth Commandment (against stealing).

11. When confronted with a situation that leaves you uncertain as to whether you are taking the right action, ask yourself one question: "What is motivating me to act in this way, my yetzer tov (good inclination) or my yetzer hara (evil inclination)?" Just answering this question will usually determine the appropriate course of action.

12. Look at your life from the future. As moral educator Michael Josephson teaches: "If you want to know how to live your life, think about what you would like people to say about you after you die--then live backwards."

All of us can strive to leave a legacy of goodness. As the rabbis taught, "Righteous people are even greater after their deaths than in their lives" (Chullin 7b). Those who leave a legacy of goodness affect not only their own generation, but succeeding ones.

13. Emulate God. God represents the ultimate biblical model for character building. Deuteronomy 13:5 commands that "you should walk after God." The Talmud asks, "How is it possible for a person to walk after God? This is what the verse means: You should follow the attributes of the Holy One, blessed be He." For example, the Talmud says, just as God clothed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:21), so should we clothe those who lack adequate clothing; just as God visited Abraham when he was weak (Genesis 18:1), so should we visit the sick; just as God buried Moses (Deuteronomy 34:6), so should we help arrange for the burial of the dead.

 Nina, as you can see there are many connections that can be made to the number 13.  You stand before us as a 13-year old today, leading this assembled group in prayer.  You have spent close to a year studying with Abby in preparation for today.  Yet, the true purpose of your preparation is to take you far beyond today.

An adaptation of Taking Your Place”
Lyrics by Abigail Pogrebin, music by Tom Kitt

Taking your place

You should think of today as the day when you have taken your place
In an enduring line.
when you stood up to say,
“Our tradition is mine.”

You’re the promise of a people,
a blessing and a prayer.

You have now held the Torah,
forged a link to the past.
You’re the face of our future,
and the reason we last.

So, Nina, it’s true that even at age 13, you have inherited an important role to play in the continuation of Judaism and its ethical principles….but don’t be afraid of that role, embrace it with the same determination you have shown during the past year of your studies and eventually you will leave this world a better place as a result of your having been here.

I’d like to leave you with the following blessing:

May you live to see a world that you create,

And may your future be a time we cannot yet imagine.

May your hope span the generations.

May your heart learn understanding.

May you speak words of wisdom and sing songs of joy.

May your vision be clear before you.

May your eyes shine with the light of Torah.

And your face glow with the radiance of heaven.

And may you run to discover the words of the Holy Ancient One.

Amen.