Jewish Rituals Help Us Cross Threshold Moments

Just yesterday, I spent an 1 ½ hours attending a webinar sponsored by the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.  I was attending as part of a group that was selected to form a cohort of small congregations from across the United States with the intent of discussing family engagement.  Yesterday’s webinar was particularly exciting because it featured Suri Jacknis, who spent 5 years here at Tifereth Israel as our educational director when her husband, Ian, served as our Rabbi.

Suri spoke about liminal moments in the life of young families and what we can do to ease their transition across the thresholds leading from one stage of life to next.  Sh e spoke about young adults with children ages 0-2, ages 3-5, ages 6-12, ages 13-18 and how to keep them engaged at each stage of the Jewish educational process.

I was interested in the term liminal, or threshold moments mostly because I believe Judaism’s great strength lies in providing rituals to help us across one threshold to the next.  Let me explain.  Just last week, Charlie and I were in Jerusalem for the Bat Mitzvah of our oldest granddaughter.  Although she is being raised in an Orthodox Jewish community, in the Jewish homeland, the rite of passage from childhood to the age of majority was clearly defined and recognizable.  It involved intensive study, giving a drash based on her learning, and celebrating her new status with special services and meals.  She was reminded that she now was obligated to perform the mitzvoth rather than to select to observe them based on her on desire to do so.  This liminal moment had its own set of rituals which were designed to help her make the transition smoothly.  Before I left for Israel, I knew that we had a former congregant who was very ill and not expected to live much longer.  I put together a document called “Kavod Ha Met” honoring the dead, that gave instructions about exactly what one would do if someone crossed the threshold from life into the realm beyond life.  The directions were not made up out of my own head, they were based on halacha, customs, as well as traditions that have been part of our Jewish way of respecting the dead for centuries.  This liminal threshold was supported by rituals that helped the family of our dear friend, Heni Kamil, deal with her death with a sense that they were supported by our community and not alone in their grief.

I believe that the families and individuals who turn to Jewish ritual as they cross the various thresholds of the lifecycle do indeed find them meaningful and helpful.  Although there are new rituals being developed all the time (just check out ritualwell.com) I think it is important to look at those which exist and have been proven to be effective over time.  Whether it is the rituals surrounding birth such as brit milah (circumcision) or naming ceremonies, the rituals surrounding Bar and Bat Mitzvah, the rituals surrounding marriage like aufruf and kiddushin, the rituals surrounding divorce, the rituals surrounding death, they play an important role of easing our transition from one stage of life to the next.

When life can seem overwhelming, to have such rituals to fall back upon, certainly does ease the entire experience of moving through life’s journey and put it into perspective. 

As we each pass through the liminal moments in our own life, may we be supported by our community and the wisdom of Judaism.