Family violence

In this week's parasha, Vayeshev, Joseph's brothers are tending their father's flocks in Shechem. "And Israel said to Joseph, "Are your brothers not pasturing in Shechem? Go and I will send you to them. He said to him, Here I am! And he said to him, Go now, look into the welfare of your brothers and the welfare of the flock, and bring me back word. So he sent him from the valley of Hebron, and he arrived at Shechem."

It is interesting that the brother's are in Shechem because it is a reference to the violence which the brothers committed in that place. If you remember last week's parasha, two of Jacob's sons, Simeon and Levi, killed the people of the city in which Hamor and his son Shechem lived because Shechem had lain with their sister. By mentioning Shechem again, the parasha prepares us for what is about to happen.

The parasha moves on. "a man discovered him and behold! he was blundering in the field; the man asked him saying, what do you seek? And he said, 'My brothers do I seek; tell me please where they are pasturing.' In its simple form, most of us would say that the brothers were pasturing their flocks. According to the authors of Bereishit Rabbah, the midrash related to stories in Genesis, the brothers were not pasturing their flocks, but rather "pasturing" themselves. They had left their home to indulge in eating and drinking.

To continue..."The man said, ' They journeyed on from here, for I heard them saying,'Let us go to Dotan.' So Joseph went after his brothers and found them at Dotan. "

If you had been asked the question, "where are my brothers pasturing?" what would your response have been? Wouldn't it have made more sense to say that they were pasturing in Dotan because I heard them say they were headed there than to say they journeyed on from here? Rashi commented on the fact that the question did not ask where they had been. He felt the answer was designed to show that when they moved on from here they actually moved themselves away from their brotherhood, no longer feeling related to Joseph as one of them.
The phrase "nahsu mi zeh"(they traveled from here) includes the word "zeh" which has the numerical value of 12...showing that they moved away from the idea that they were a group of 12. It makes it easier to understand the actions that follow if one understands that the brothers no longer thought of Joseph as one of them.


The text continues "So Joseph went after his brothers and found them at Dotan." At face value, these words refer to a place where the brothers can be found. The word Dotan, however, can be interpreted to mean something deeper. The word Dotan comes from the word Dat (law). It is in this place that the brothers conspired against Joseph, breaking the laws that keep families and humankind living by an ethical code.

Within the passages I just cited, there are many indirect references to violence. It is not until several verses later that we learn of the brothers' plan to kill Joseph and throw him into a pit.

For some reason this parasha reminds me of the unfortunate cycle of family violence that is still seen in families today. Family violence is defined by the Cleveland Clinic as an "act in which one family member causes physical or emotional injury to another family member." The abuser perpetrates the action because of a need to gain power and control over the victim. Unfortunately, the signs leading up to family violence are overlooked. Often the tension builds, abuse takes place, and then the abuser feels remorse. The pattern of threats, verbal abuse, intimidation,and isolation repeat themselves over and over again when the remorse is not real. Unlike the Joseph story, where the remorse felt by the brothers leads to change, most abusers need to "unlearn" their patterns of response. Abusers need to take responsibility for their actions and learn to be concerned about their victim's safety. We may think that the violent behaviors we see in today's parasha are merely found among the dysfunctional families of the Torah, but statistics show us that family violence is the most popular violent crime in America today. It exists even within the Jewish community and we must make sure that there are no excuses accepted for family violence.