In Memory of Shelley

When writing a eulogy, a hesped, Judaism assumes that our memories of a loved one will help alleviate our sorrow and bring us comfort.  Yet we know that when we are thinking about Shelley’s life, we must exercise a bit of selective memory as we think back upon the years she had with us.  There is no doubt that her last five years were filled with major physical challenges and mental changes.  Some might be inclined to say that we “lost her a long time ago.”  Yet, from my discussion with you, Stephanie and Leslie, although your sister might have suffered from disease processes that changed her in many ways, you were able to see her essential self being revealed at the same time. 

I like to think that the essential human being which you experienced when all else was crumbling around her was indeed Shelley’s soul shining through.  You saw that she never stopped being delighted with the wonder she experienced in the world.  She still had a sense of softness about her, and relished hearing others laughing when she said something funny.  There are not many who have experienced taking care of a loved one living within the confines of a nursing home who can actually say that the experience taught them to appreciate people for who they really are when they are unencumbered by self- expectations.

For most of Shelley’s life she was the voice of reason, someone to whom others could go to solicit an opinion or advise.  She was very smart and disciplined.  She had a sense of direction in her life and pursued her passions.  Those passions included being with her animal family (lots of cats and a dog) and her human family, her sisters, cousins, and loving partner for 40 years, Claude.  Both families, human and animal, found her to be a gentle, happy spirit. 

When she was involved in counseling families at the University of Wisconsin genetics clinic, she approached her clients with her naturally upbeat disposition.  Working with children facing grave genetic disease processes could have depressed even the best social worker, but not Shelley.  She never let the conditions she saw get her down.  She relished the relationships she formed while working and did her best to counsel families about what they could expect under the circumstances they were facing.  That “cool as a cucumber” attitude brought others a sense of calm.

Many of us remember Shelley from her years growing up here in Lincoln where she was highly involved with our synagogue youth groups.   Lincoln is where she got to spend quality time with her cousins Sherrill and Cathy (who were the closest in age to her); it is where she could enjoy frequent visits with Grandma Kushner ; and it is where her Aunts, Sylvia and Marcia, made her feel at home even after her parents had died. It is fitting that we are bringing Shelley to her final resting place in this very same community where her inner self became so evident to all who knew her.  Shelley, we will miss your broad smile, infectious laughter, your sparkling eyes, and your soft wisdom, but rest assured we will never forget you.  We are thankful for the time you had with us, although it feels too short, and for the memories that will forever remind us of the good that we shared with you.  May your soul be bound up in the bond of life.

Amen.