Saying
good-bye to a parent or a friend who has been a part of one’s life for so many
long years is never easy. What can you
say about an individual who made a point of always being present for family
simchas, community events, and even for the hard work of caring for elderly
family members who had no others to care for them? What can you say that will give a full
picture of a life well-lived and courage?
Although it
might seem commonplace to say someone was caring, in reality it is one of the
finer qualities that can be attributed to an individual. Gail was indeed caring. She let her family and friends know that they
held a special place in her heart. That quality of caring even had an impact on
her teaching career. She put a
tremendous amount of energy into communicating with her students and their
parents about the learning that was accomplished in her English classes. She was known to stay up late at night typing
comments and personalizing the messages to each family whose student she
taught. She didn’t believe in just
checking generic boxes to portray her students’ progress. She felt a need to
communicate properly through her always well-thought out words. One comment by
an already grown father of 3 who had Gail as his 8th grade teacher
pointed out that whenever anyone left her classroom she always made sure that
they had someone to walk with to their next classroom. You can imagine what an impact that kind of
caring had on her students that it would be remembered nearly 30 years later.
Gail was
organized and very practical. She kept a
calendar of every synagogue and Lied Center event that was coming up in the
future, making sure she knew what she wanted to attend and never missing a
beat. She even kept a file labeled death
and funerals that Janice showed me on Wednesday. It had all the hand-outs made for a
multi-week class that was taught at the synagogue. There were notes and markings
she had made on the sheets as she heard the lectures. There was even a proofreading mark correcting
a typographical error found in the text.
At least she didn’t use her signature red pen to mark the error!
Gail was
often serious, having high expectations for herself and others, but she
certainly loved the many good laughs that came from Bernie’s understated humor
and Max’s lightheartedness. Even as she
lay in bed this week she mentioned that she did not want a lot of seriousness
in the room, she wanted some humor. We
all recognize that life is often full of trials and tribulations, but Gail
understood that having a smile on one’s lips could help her get through the
tough times. I know Eddie she was so glad she had time during her last few days
to share some good laughs with you as you attended to her. We could see the
light you brought light into her life as she spoke of your scientific work and
the joys of your visits.
For those of
us who have had the pleasure of becoming grandparents, it is not hard to
understand the joy Gail felt when she was in her grandson’s presence. She absolutely adored you, Forrest. Whether it was traveling to Kansas City for
school programs or athletics events she relished watching you and being with
you. One of the highlights of her life was being present for your Bar Mitzvah
even though her health had already started to fail. She didn’t stop beaming the entire Shabbat
weekend. I think you, Forrest, represented the future and hope to her. Perhaps that is why she placed two of your
baby pictures inside that file that I mentioned.
Barb, I
mentioned that your son brought great light to your mom’s life. When she spoke about you, she often mentioned
your involvement with teaching in the Jewish day school. Many teachers hope their children avoid the
hard work of going into education, but your mom was pleased to see you find a
niche that was such a good fit for you. She enjoyed your visits and marveled at
your organizational skills.
Some
individuals succumb to despair when they are diagnosed with life-threatening
illnesses. Gail understood her serious
health condition but pursued the best treatments available to allow her to have
more time living. She loved life. She did not give up trying to extend her days
and was thankful for the support she received from you, Janice, as you helped
her navigate the medical world and accompanied her to so many of her
appointments. Of course, she worried that you were very overworked with helping
keep her comfortable, but also very grateful for your attention to her needs. She
admired your artistic contributions to the Nature Center and enjoyed the holiday
times with you by her side.
How do you
know someone loves life? They express it
in words, show it with their actions, and cling to it. They never withdraw, are thankful for their
good days, and make every effort to be physically and emotionally present for
the individuals who have touched their lives.
In my mind’s eye, that describes Gail.
She knew she was going, but didn’t want to go. I know that when I showed up two days before
her death, she allowed me to say a misheberach prayer for her healing, but
asked me not to say the words recited at the end of one’s life. Those words were not forgotten, just delayed
as she continued to embrace life even in a weakened state.
We will miss
Gail. We will miss her phone calls,
seeing the articles she cut out of the paper about family and friends, and her
loyal presence in the synagogue. We will
miss her attention to detail and her courageous approach to life. I do believe however, that Gail experienced a
dignified death, one that not everyone is privileged to have. There can be no greater comfort to someone
transitioning from life than to have her children by her side, caring for her,
and ensuring that she knows how much she will be remembered and continue to be
loved. Such acts of loving-kindness surely leave one’s departing soul with a
sense of tranquility.
May Gail’s life
be bound up in the bond of life and may her memory always serve as a source of
comfort for you, Eddie, Janice, Barb, and Forrest.
Amen.
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