If you agree
with the following statements please respond by putting a thumb up. If you disagree with them, please respond by
putting a thumb down!
1) When I feel people are not listening to me, I
find it very frustrating.
2) Language is the essence of life, it
allows us to form and maintain relationships.
3) When individuals refuse to engage
with me verbally, I feel closed off from them.
4) Silence belongs to death.
5) Arguments can be healthy if they
don’t decide things forever, but leave a space for further discussion
So much goes
on in our world where communication is used improperly. We have seen totalitarian governments use
propaganda to close off open lines of communication. We have had to learn how to determine whether
information we are hearing is actually “news” or “fake news.” We have seen individuals who run in similar
circles stop communicating with one another because they do not agree on the
same interpretation of what needs to happen to make our world a better place. We have family members who don’t listen to
one another in a constructive way and end up stopping all forms of
communication as a result.
Yet, Judaism
understands the need for words as well as the positive and negative power of
words. Words can draw others to us or
set up a reaction of fear when they are used inappropriately. Words enable us to engage with others. If we refuse to talk and express our thoughts
to one another, we might discover that the divides that exist between ourselves
and others will never be bridged.
I recognize
that it is very “in” these days for individuals to seek silence. Some will even go so far as to promote entire
weeks where silence reigns supreme among the participants who pay for days of silent
guided meditation. The purpose of such sessions is to remove oneself from the
busy-ness and noise of everyday life and to focus only on one’s inner self to
gain self-knowledge.
Jewish
tradition works very hard to ensure that we do not only focus on
ourselves. Whether it is working with a
chevrutah partner for the study of Jewish texts, interacting with a teacher who
can take us to a higher level of understanding, or relating with others as we
perform mitzvot ….it is the interchanges we have with others that are designed
to bring increased meaning to our lives.
While
engaging in meaningful dialogue with others, we often recognize that we do not
agree with the points of view being shared with us. Yet, if we are honest with one another, we
should be able to hear one another and still treat our disagreements with respect.
It is possible to be separated but still united. It is possible to experience a distance between
ourselves and others yet still treat one another with compassion and caring.
When we have disagreements that are not based on exerting power over another
individual, those disagreements are said to be “for the sake of heaven.” How we
use words will determine whether a conflict is for the sake of heaven or
not. When we use words graciously, look
into matters together, and correct each other politely, we are allowing
conflicts to be constructive. When we behave with love and friendship towards
one another rather than with disdain and hatred, we are pursuing the path of
constructive conflicts. When we tackle
problems head on rather than sweeping them under the rug and allowing them to
fester and cause ill-will, we are opening up a path for constructive conflicts.
Being a pursuer of peace whether it is within your family, workplace, or
synagogue is not easy, but when done with the best of intentions, it does make
a world of difference.
When we say
the phrase: “ לֹ֣א
הַ֭מֵּתִים יְהַֽלְלוּ־יָ֑הּ וְ֝לֹ֗א כָּל־יֹרְדֵ֥י דוּמָֽה׃The dead praise not the LORD, Neither any that go down into
silence,” at our Hallel service, we are not just uttering an empty phrase. Silence can be tantamount to death, in
Judaism. Torah teaches us that G-d created the world with words and the worlds
that we can create by using words appropriately will also be surprisingly
miraculous and pleasant.
L’shanah tovah tikateivu.
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