Reflections after a Death Call

Last Monday, I had an early morning phone call from the 911-Dispatch center saying that there was a full code and the Lincoln Fire Department was requesting a chaplain to be on the scene.  At the time of the call, CPR was being administered.  I immediately got out of bed, got dressed, downed some orange juice, and took off for the address I had been given.  Just prior to my arrival, dispatch called back to say that the individual had indeed died and that I would be performing a death call.

I knew what a death call looks like in Judaism immediately after an individual has died.  Upon learning of a death, you don’t try to comfort the one who will become a mourner once burial has occurred, instead you help them remain focused on their need to show respect for the one who has died.   I must say, however, I was not sure what was expected of me as I entered the house of a non-Jewish family that I had never met before.  What I discovered is that my training in Jewish death rituals was meaningful even in that setting.  I was there to listen to the grief and pain, to provide a sense of quiet caring, to help find phone numbers for an out-of-town mortuary, to explain to the grieving husband what would happen when workers from the mortuary showed up at his home, to act as an intermediary when those who were going to transport the body away from the home entered the premises, etc.  The focus was on helping the individual make arrangements for the proper care of his beloved wife who had died unexpectedly.  It was no different than what happens when a Jewish family is faced with the death of a loved one.

After spending two hours with the family that morning, I realized the universality of the connections we human beings make and the pain that occurs when those connections are severed.  We may use different words to express our understanding of what has happened, but the sadness, love, sense of void, and feeling that one’s world has been shaken are all universal feelings.

As the week progressed, I received an e-mail from a Temple member who had worked in the field of hospice for many years.  She wanted to know if our TI community would be willing to partake in a project for Mourning Hope, a grief support system for children, teens, young adults, and their families.  The concept was to have us participate in a community art project entitled, “If I could tell you one last thing, “to bring our verbal thoughts to the visual work of a community artist.  I said we would partner with the Temple on this project.  Although, I truly believe that there will be similarities across the varying religious groups and cultural groups being asked to participate in this project, I feel it will also give us an opportunity to participate in an all-city effort to show support for grieving families.  You will be hearing more about this project in the days and weeks ahead.

Meanwhile, I am thankful that Judaism gives each of us the tools needed to help others when tragedy and loss strike.  Now we just have to make sure we know what those tools are.