What Do You Want to Be?....A Mensch!

I was sitting with a young student who was interviewing me for a class project earlier this year, when she asked me the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up!”  It took me quite by surprise, even though it was a question the students in my classroom were asking one another that day.  I wasn’t sure how I should answer that question.   Would my answer be about career?  Would it be about my status as a wife, mother, and grandmother?  What I really wanted to tell her is I want to be a mensch, but I wasn’t sure she would understand if I only had a few minutes to explain myself.

Why a mensch?  I firmly believe that being a mensch, a human being in the truest sense of the word, is part of our mission on Earth.  There is no doubt that each of us has challenges to face no matter what our age or status in life, but when we encounter a mensch, we somehow feel as if life is meaningful even with its struggles. 

  A mensch helps others.  Whether it’s offering a warm greeting to individuals so they know they are valued, or helping an individual in need of a job find work, a mensch acts!  Whether it is extending hospitality by opening one’s door or making a phone call to touch base with others, a mensch acts!

A mensch acts not because it will bring fame or fortune, rather because it is the right thing to do. A mensch does the right thing, without thought of being repaid for his/her kindness sometime in the future.  The reward is found in the satisfaction of doing a mitzvah!

Of course being a mensch is not limited to aging adults, a group to which I ascribe myself.  It is a status which can be attained by individuals of all ages, including children.  There are no degrees given out for menschlikeit and no courses which one must complete to be considered a full-fledged mensch.  Yet, everyone knows even without looking at a parchment hanging on a wall, when he/or she has encountered a mensch!  A mensch is caring, hopeful, and attempts to be a peacemaker within the community. 

Individual who are menschen live ethical lives and have respect for others.  They are courteous and model honesty and integrity.  In general, it is the menschen who make society richer just for their being present!

So how can we model the very behaviors that we hope one day our children or grandchildren will exhibit?  It is by never giving up the joy of connecting with others.  I remember sitting with my mother about a year before her death when Parkinson’s disease was beginning to ravage her body.  She felt she could offer nothing to anyone if she could not move on her own without assistance, could not feed or dress herself without help.  Sadly she expressed that she felt worthless.  What she forgot was that no matter how physically incapacitated she was, her love, caring, and concern for us was not dependent upon her physical abilities.  It was expressed in words, a smile that crossed her lips, hands that embraced, and eyes that showed delight when her family was present.   

There is little doubt in my mind, that as we age, our physical selves change.  But I also see that our spiritual selves can have an amazing positive impact on others.  It requires connection, however.  One cannot be a mensch in isolation.  Perhaps that is why one of the first statements in Bereshit, the book of Genesis, is “it is not good for man to be alone.”  We are made to connect, to interact in positive ways.

Over the past years of serving as Tifereth Israel’s lay spiritual leader I have had the honor of sitting with families and listening to their stories about loved ones who have died.  What has impressed me the most is that most individuals are not remembered for the activities that filled their time but for the qualities that they exhibited in their lives.  Spouses, wives, husbands, and children are remembered for their traits of kindness, honesty, and loyalty.  Whether individuals passed suddenly or after long battles with illness, family members are touched by the spiritual nature of their loved one’s existence.  Memories of qualities  live on and are passed on through family stories.

During the High Holydays we talk about goal setting and behaviors that we hope to exhibit.  We talk about our shortcomings and desire to improve.  We acknowledge that there are times we have missed the mark but understand that we can make amends for our actions and become a mensch!  The important thing to remember is that growth as individuals never ends.  It is a continuous process because even when we’ve started to decline physically we can still grow our souls!  Let me end with a story about growing.

In the town of Chelm, a magical, mythical place where the people are very pious and very Jewish but not necessarily very smart, two citizens were engaged in an argument about how people grow.  One gentleman was convinced that people grow from the ground up; the other was just as sure that they grow from the head down.  Each gentleman was able to cite evidence to support his opinion.  The gentleman who believed that people grow from the ground up said, “just look at the army as it marches by, and you’ll see that I am right.  None of the soldiers’ heads is at the same level, but all the soldiers have their feet on the ground.   That is proof that people grow from the ground up.”

The other gentleman argued that if you look at the members of the marching band as they pass by you’ll see that the pants of their uniforms don’t all reach their shoes.  Some of the pants are a little long, and some are a little short.  That he argued, surely indicates that people grow from the head down. 

Since the two gentlemen couldn’t resolve their disagreement, they went to see the rabbi.  Each man explained his belief about the method by which human beings grow.

The rabbi listened to them both and said, “My fair gentlemen, it is not that humans grow from the top down or from the bottom up.  It is true only that they grow from the inside out.”

 

So as you think about your own life, remember that what you are like on the inside really does have an affect on what you are like on the outside.  Be caring, be considerate, do good deeds, be a mensch!  This is the time of year to put your goals into action!

L’Shanah tovah tikatevu.